"Shit, let me down, I'm up!"
So I got all boozy before a set for the first time the other night ‘ala the big Sauce show. I had planned on doing the open mic but it wasn’t until the very end – which considering that you have seven comics each doing twenty-minutes followed by a metal band (DOOMSTRUCK!), you run the risk of getting drowsy. So instead I decided I would indulge in a couple of beers and enjoy an anxiety-free evening.
So 1:00 a.m. rolls around and I’m informed by the host that I’ve magically made the list. I immediately get scared and tell him no way – I never drink before a set because I read a book once that said not to. But rather than spend the next few days feeling like a total puss I decided to go with it. Besides not drinking beforehand is just some old superstition concocted by a bunch of square old timers right? That’s just as silly as saying that walking under a ladder or pissing in the face of a black cat on Friday the 13th is going to bring you a lifetime of lousy luck.
And so I end up going last and was actually doing okay. But just as I’m getting to the punchline of my final joke this lady starts bantering with me and I go completely blank. Like someone-threw-a-bucket-of-White Out-over-my-brain blank. Retrieval of a safe word or phrase-trigger is futile. I guess on the bright side I can finally cross closing out a totally awesome show with an apology to the audience that embrace me with a big, fat silence off the list. You can come fetch me now death, I’m stoked.
So, alcohol: inhibitor or enabler? Personally, I’m the type of person whose first faculty to go is memory. Introduce me to someone after two beers and you may as well forget about it. But it was nice to meet you and I’m sorry for wetting your bed. Loss of speech and directions usually attach themselves around five. At the same time there’s those dudes who have the ability to be half in the bag and still turn a room inside-out. I’ve talked to a variety of other comics about this, and really, it all comes down to how you handle your liquor. You’ve heard of a functioning alcoholic right? Well if you manage to get plastered way to often but have no outstanding cable or electric bills, by all means go for it – you’ve got skills. On the other hand, if you have a slow reaction time combined with a staring problem, it’s probably not a good idea to go bathing that puppy in beer.
Live, Laugh, Puke. 