Christopher Cross, Time Sailer

San Antonio, Texas – Kidnapped from an assisted living home in 1993 by the time demon known as Freeman, a heavily medicated schizophrenic identified as Christopher Cross, was transported to the year 1980 and dropped onstage. The directions were simple: freestyle his previous night’s dream in the form of sing-song and, if successful, he would get to continue living in that age and reap the benefits of any fame he may encounter. The rest they say, is history.

“Well, we certainly miss him at the house,” said former PCA to the superstar, Karen Kettle. “I mean, not the stealing and eating entire packs of raw hotdogs from the fridge, just the sitting quietly in his room and tripping out part.”


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