No doubt by now you’ve heard about Swiffer’s induction into the Greatest Inventions Hall of Fame. Oh you haven’t? Good, that’s because it was a false statement I totally made up. Contrary to popular belief, the Swiffer is not some groundbreaking piece of household toolery. If you’ve never had the opportunity to use one, don’t don’t bother buying it because making your own is simple. Just piss on an old rag, nail it to a broken mop handle and proceed swishing around whatever grody shit has accumulated on your floor in broad, swiping swooshes. To experience the full effect of it’s brilliance be sure to sprinkle a little rat poison about the area to ensure the death of the family pet, because I guess that happens sometimes too.